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Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?
Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Here, a counselor reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children-and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.
This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how to:
Protect children and help them heal emotionally
Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
Increase their chances of winning custody
Help their kids feel good about themselves
- Sales Rank: #137523 in Books
- Published on: 2005-03-01
- Released on: 2005-03-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.98" h x 1.00" w x 5.97" l, .87 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 384 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Nearly three-quarters of women who are chronically mistreated by their partners have children. In this sensitive, respectful book, counselor, speaker, trainer and activist Bancroft (Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men) gives those women ways to help their children heal from the pain of seeing such abuse. Using anecdotes, Q&As, bulleted "points to remember" and a caring but firm tone, Bancroft tells abused mothers exactly what actions they should take to help their children. Don’t blame children (or yourself), he says, and let children know it’s good to talk about the verbal or physical abuse they’ve been exposed to. Bancroft coaches moms to tell their children abuse is wrong, but warns them not to criticize the abuser as a person if he is a father-figure to the children. Bancroft’s important book addresses peripheral issues, too, such as the effects of separation and divorce, and dealing with child protective services and the family court system.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Bancroft draws on 16 years of counseling men who abuse women and as a custody evaluator and child-abuse investigator to offer sound advice to women who are abused by their partners and are concerned about the impact on their children. Without judging women in abusive situations, Bancroft emphasizes that they are in the best position to help their children heal after witnessing abuse. She begins by describing how children view abuse from verbal put-downs of their mother to physical abuse and how their conflict and confusion manifest in a range of symptoms from sleeping and eating disorders to underperformance in school. She ends each chapter with action guidelines for women called "What Can I Do?" Bancroft analyzes the pros and cons of deciding whether to stay with or leave an abusive partner and offers coping strategies that include teaching children to be open about their feelings and devising a "safety plan" of escape if necessary. She also offers advice on choosing therapists and support groups, and practical skills for rebuilding the family. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Review
Bancroft writes with authority. He spreads his passion on this subject to his readers, encouraging them to get involved... -- Cleveland Plain-Dealer, March 7, 2004
Most helpful customer reviews
33 of 34 people found the following review helpful.
A wonderful resource for moms.
By LyricalSoul09
An easy to read book with a wealth of valuable information. It is an excellent book for parents who have been involved with controlling partners or anyone who works with families. The book gives a detailed description of how batterers affect the children with whom they live. Bancroft's book offers parents user friendly ideas for helping their children heal after being exposed to a partner who physically or emotionally batters. Bancroft offers an options based model that recognizes the parent knows the batterer the best and she is the best person to support her children.
25 of 25 people found the following review helpful.
When Dad Hurts Mom
By Lisa Pirman
This is an excellent book. It's informative, but very sensitive. I would highly recommend it to any moms out there that are being abused in any way, shape or form. Especially if you don't feel your kids are being affected by you being abused. Because guess what?! They are!
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
When Dad Hurts Mom
By Deborah S. Meeker
This is the best book available about the effects of domestic abuse on children! It's a valuable tool for self-help or counselors. I am a Clinical Social Worker and Certified Domestic Violence Professional, and I recommend this book to most of my clients who are facing issues of divorce, custody, and coping with their children's emotional needs in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. I also use this author's other book "Why Does He Do That?" regularly in working with domestic violence victims and survivors.
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