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Clinical psychologist and anger expert W. Doyle Gentry offers compassionate, practical insight to those with angry loved ones, providing coping strategies that help strengthen emotional intimacy and establish boundaries-and avoid being held hostage to a partner's angry words and behavior.
When Someone You Love Is Angry combines the latest research with real-life testimony, resulting in a survival guide for those exposed to toxic anger, outlining a unique seven-step program to minimize the emotional damage of loving, but angry, relationships:
- Reaching out for support
- Abandoning the eight myths about love and anger
- Recognizing and putting a stop to abusive behavior
- Avoiding facilitation of the anger syndrome
- Refraining from angry responses
- Innoculating oneself against stress
- Exploring one's options
- Sales Rank: #1748169 in Books
- Published on: 2004-09-07
- Released on: 2004-09-07
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .54" w x 6.00" l, .64 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
- ISBN13: 9780425198117
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
From Publishers Weekly
A simple 7-step program to deal with an emotionally or physically abusive loved one (spouse, parent, sibling or child) seems too easy to be effective. But Gentry is not a lightweight pop author; he is editor in chief of the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, and has been working with victims of what he calls "toxic" anger ("anger that is experienced far too often, is far too intense and lasts far too long") for decades. Believable case studies illustrate how Gentry’s seven steps can work, and he accepts the irrationality of the love that makes people reluctant to leave such relationships (though if the other steps fail, he advises, it may be necessary to leave). Questionnaires and tables help readers evaluate their situation and answer such questions as "how angry is too angry?" He then offers sensible, tested steps, not to change the angry person, but to manage the anger and one’s response to it, such as getting a support network and controlling one’s own anger. Anyone in a toxic anger situation will benefit from Gentry’s calm, wise advice.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
About the Author
W. Doyle Gentry, Ph.D., is an author, educator, scientist, consultant and clinical psychologist, whose career spans 30 years. His scholarly work-which includes over 100 professional and scientific publications-is cited as an authoritative source by top anger researchers and therapists. He lectures and gives workshops extensively, both in the United States and abroad. He is the Editor-in-Chief of the prestigious Journal of Behavioral Medicine, a post he has held for more than 25 years.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Pinpoints problems, offers few solutions
By Lauren M. Bloom
"When Someone You Love Is Angry" is tremendously enlightening and affirming for those who are just coming to grips with a loved one's excessive anger. If you've ever wondered if you were just "too sensitive" or whether you were somehow responsible for triggering someone's rage, verbal or even physical attacks, this book will give you a dispassionate benchmark from which to evaluate your situation. If you're looking for clear proof that you really aren't crazy, "When Someone You Love Is Angry" is an absolute gem.
Unfortunately, the book is less successful in offering strategies for managing rage in a relationship. It particularly falls short in offering solutions for adults who grew up in angry homes, acknowledging but never really addressing the challenges of dealing with an elderly parent's anger. Perhaps there are no obvious solutions for children of angry parents - not every problem can be fixed, after all - but "When Someone You Love Is Angry" would be even more helpful if it included more suggestions for dealing with rage.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
assessing and dealing with anger in others
By Jennifer K. Paweleck-Bellingrodt, Psy.D.
this book is a great tool for assessing your own or someone else's anger and learning how to deal with the latter. it starts out defining toxic anger in terms of personal and interpersonal consequences via a couple of quizzes to help you get started. next, the book takes a look at what gentry calls "loving but angry" (LBA) relationships and tries to help the reader understand why certain people are so angry. there is also a section on assessing damages which forces the reader to look at the reality of the relationship he is in to decide what to do next.
the next chapters are spent looking at the seven steps for dealing with the anger and moving forward, reviewing various possibilities in terms of what that might look like and how to take the next steps. these steps include concepts such as soliciting support, ensuring that perceptions are accurate, setting limits and discontinuing enabling patterns, avoiding the rabbit hole of toxic anger oneself, strengthening one's coping skills in the face of stressors such as toxic anger or other abusive patterns and taking steps to move on if nothing else is working.
gentry calls it like it is and provides a great deal of information and answers in less than 200 pages. in a world full of multi-step self-help programs, it's not easy to stand out; but this book does. it's a concise manual for dealing with a loved one's anger and saving yourself from the negative effects. since these relationships can be overwhelming for those in them, the simple, step-by-step approach and guidelines given in this book are great.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Living with an angry dad
By Alesia
This book helped me understand anger and how toxic it is in relationships. I now feel more empowered after reading this book. Further, this book has helped me realize that I, too, need to work on more effectively expressing my anger.
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